The Guilt Factor
by MidnightIndigo
Summary: Nobody said Artemis Fowl had it easy.  When you have guilt gnawing at your mind and two little kids jumping around your feet, nothing is ever easy.


**A/N: Just something I've been thinking about for a while. I added some stuff to my idea after I read TAC, but it's essentially the same thing that I've been trying to get up here for months. This is after the Time Paradox but before Atlantis Complex.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Artemis Fowl. I am not Eoin Colfer, and I'm not even Irish, not even the tiniest bit. Which is, in my opinion, a bummer, but what can you do? **

Artemis Fowl had been in worse situations. He'd been thrown off a radioactive train, had been shot at on multiple occasions, had been trapped in Limbo with a pack of demons set on killing him. He'd been on live electrical poles hundreds of feet in the air after nearly dying minutes before. But, though his mind reminded him of these instances constantly, he couldn't help wishing his life was being threatened. Because right now he valued sanity much more than life.

Myles and Beckett chased each other around his legs. Myles experiments were spread over the floor of the playroom, as were Beckett's multitude of toys. Myles held a small slide; it was currently empty, but if Artemis didn't put an end to this, it would soon contain a sample of Beckett's blood.

"Myles!" Artemis shouted finally. "Do not use your brother's blood for your experiments!"

Beckett saw an opening; he forced through Artemis' legs and tackled Myles to the ground. Artemis managed to retain his balance, but the twins went tumbled. Tangled in a pile of limbs, Myles looked up at Artemis. "Can I use your blood then?"

Artemis was regretting agreeing to take care of his brothers while his parents went to dinner. It was too late to back out now, however; their dinner reservations were in Milan.

"No, you cannot use my blood." Artemis sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He was seriously regretting this, and Butler wasn't even here to help, as he'd been called out of town by an old friend in need of help.

The boys resumed their demented game of tag, and Artemis stumbled into a rolling chair near a bookshelf. "This. Is. Impossible," he muttered.

Beckett leapt at Myles again, and they knocked the chair over. Artemis was thrown and his hand smashed through a jar of slime. He made a face and wiped it on a towel on a floor.

Picking himself up off the floor, he noticed the door to the balcony open slightly and half-smiled. He could've sworn he put alarms on that door. He'd set them himself, even. He left the boys to playing tug-of-war over Professor Platypus (the replacement toy for Myles after his first stuffed lab partner had been buried under several thousand pounds of kraken shell) and walked over to the balcony. "Hello, Holly."

Once he was outside, the elf unshielded. "Having problems?"

He scowled at her. "You don't have siblings."

"And thank Frond for that," she grinned. She pulled her helmet off and shook her hair out. It was much longer than it used to be, he noticed. _I notice everything_, he had to remind himself.

"So, Holly, to what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked casually.

"What, I can't just come visit a friend?"

Artemis raised an eyebrow and seemed ready to retort, but just then the door slammed open and two wrestling toddlers tumbled out onto the deck.

"Hi, Artemis!" Myles beamed. "Who's that?"

Artemis ground his teeth. He didn't need the twins knowing about fairies. They couldn't just stay put, could they? But Holly smiled back at them.

"I'm Holly, I'm a friend of Artemis'," she introduced herself. "You must be the twins."

"That's us!" Beckett shouted excitedly.

"Why are you so small?" Myles asked calculatingly.

"Because she is," Artemis snapped quickly. The twins both stopped and frowned. That wasn't a very Artemis-like response. It was neither pithy nor scientific, and in their experience, Artemis Fowl was both.

Myles pulled his twin to his feet. "Come on," he whispered, and pulled him back through the door. Artemis shut it behind them and sighed exasperatedly.

"I never would've thought babysitting was so demanding," he said.

She laughed lightly. "I highly doubt you _never_ thought of it."

Artemis didn't respond, and she turned serious. "What's wrong, Arty?"

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong. Why have you come?"

"Because I wanted to talk. In person," she added, before he could speak. There was a pause, so she continued. "Your emails have been brief at best. I can't even ask a question that doesn't seem to make you uncomfortable. There's definitely something wrong."

Once again, he was silent, and Holly instinctively knew her suspicions were correct.

Something was up.

"So what is it?"

"I've been...sorting things out," he told her carefully.

"I'm guessing you're not talking about straightening up your study."

He flashed her an almost vampiric smile and was almost back to normal. "You've been in my study, you're aware that it is impeccably neat."

"Of course," she said, rolling her eyes. "Really, Artemis. What have you been thinking about?"

He shrugged. "A lot of things, I suppose." He turned to look over the Fowl manor grounds, leaning against the railing with his back towards her.

Holly hated seeing her friend like this; he seemed vulnerable and shy, two things that Artemis Fowl was not. She had to figure out what was wrong.

"Come on," she said, walking over and taking his hand. "Tell me. Please?"

"I-I can't."

"Why not?" she wondered, passing over his stuttering but still worried about that as well.

"Because...because I just can't."

"You're not yourself today." She was kind of scared for him now. "You always have a reason."

He apparently was tired of the grounds; he dropped his head into his hands and mumbled something.

"What?" she said gently.

"How can I live with myself?" he exhaled, merely a breath and barely able to be heard. But Holly heard it. The more he talked, the more stabs of fear struck her heart.

"Artemis," she said forcefully. She put a hand beneath his chin and made him look at her. "What did you do?"

"Everything," he murmured. "I've done too much to bear."

"What?" she repeated.

"My whole life has been one criminal enterprise after another," he snapped, and Holly was surprised at the sudden outburst. "I kidnapped you! How could I have done that?"

"Artemis! That was years ago, and you are an entirely different person now!"

"No I'm not," he said, his voice cracking. "I'm not different at all. I betrayed you."

"To save your mother," she said. "I forgave you for that a long time ago. If I had been you, I probably would have done the same thing."

"But you're not me," he muttered. He leaned against the railing and sank to the ground. "You're the good one. You've always been the good one. You're nothing like me. I'm not worthy to be your friend. I'm such a horrible person, and all I've ever done is be horrible to you."

His head was angled slightly back, and she grabbed at a small leather strand that she saw around his neck, tucked into his shirt. She held up the coin on the necklace that he always wore. It was a gold circle with a hole, directly in the center.

"You saved me, on multiple occasions," Holly reminded him. "You still wear this, so you must remember."

"Holly-"

"Artemis Fowl, you are not a bad person anymore!" she shouted, her voice rising unexpectedly. She calmed herself before adding. "You're not. Remember that spark of decency? This coin just proves that it's still there. You're not horrible. You've made mistakes. Everybody has. You've just made slightly...bigger mistakes."

This did not cheer him up much. He took the coin silently from her hands and tucked it back beneath his collar. When she realized that he could counter everything she said, she simply sat down beside him and held onto his hand.

Finally she said, "If you were that bad of a person, I wouldn't be here right now. I probably wouldn't be alive." She squeezed his fingers, and he suddenly pulled her into a hug.

"Since when are you a hugging person?" she murmured into his ear.

"Since I needed a hug," he replied, logical to the last.

They pulled apart and sat in silence, and for the first time since she'd arrived it was not awkward. This silence was peaceful and comfortable, yet somehow laden with everything they hadn't said. It was friendship, and trust, and, more than anything, hope.

He held onto her hand for several moments more, and she smiled at him. "See? Aren't you much better now?"

He smiled back. "Extremely."

Holly's grin turned sardonic. "Good, because there are two little kids peering at us through the curtains."

He turned his head toward the door, and the curtains shifted suddenly as Beckett and Myles ran from their older brother's death glare.

As soon as they were gone, Artemis relaxed, his head once again falling against the column of the railing.

"Aren't you going to go get them?" Holly wondered.

He shrugged. "I'll let them wait in terror for a few minutes. And then I'll go get them."

They sat for a moment, before both of them jumped to their feet, yanked open the glass door, and took off in pursuit of the twins. They would be in trouble if they got caught.

**A/N 2: In my version of AF reality, I think this was probably the onset of Atlantis Complex, with the guilt factor. Holly helps him over these first problems, but...you know...it's all down hill from there. **

**There will probably be more Artemis Fowl stuff up from me in the next month, as I'm trying to write a one-shot a day, give or take. I would attempt a chapter story, but I can never seem to finish those. Also, if you like Castle, I will probably alternate writing for that as well, but I don't have much inspiration for that yet. Once I get some, I will definitely post it! **

**As always, thanks so much for reading, and I would love to hear what you thought of it, since it's my first fic for Artemis Fowl! (Translation: review!)**

**Also, interesting: this story (on my word count, and not with the author's notes) is exactly 1500 words. I tell myself it was for Artemis' fifteenth birthday (September 1!) but truthfully I just wanted a round number. xD**


End file.
